Working my way to the top, try and stop me

celesse:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I’m laughing so hard. How did he even make the burrito like that? Did he wrap up the empty tortilla and drop the ingredients in like a penny roll? LOL
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celesse:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I’m laughing so hard. How did he even make the burrito like that? Did he wrap up the empty tortilla and drop the ingredients in like a penny roll? LOL


  • Marvel:*makes Avengers*
  • Marvel:*makes Iron Man, Thor, Hulk, and Captain America sagas*
  • Marvel:*makes Agents of Shield*
  • Marvel:*makes Guardians of the Galaxy*
  • Marvel:*makes Black Widow movie*
  • DC:hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... MORE BATMAN.

nails4breakfast-tacksforsnacks:

southernladyperson:

chocolatecakesandthickmilkshakes:

nathantrumpet:

Just wanted to share this with everyone really quick. The reason is because we need to be aware of what kind of people are within the law enforcement branch. This man forced his way into my moms house (without any proper documentation) AND did not specify why he was arresting my brothers friend. He was asked countless times why and he NEVER answers him. He didn’t even read him his rights!…I’ll post the video up later….smh Louisiana AND Jefferson parish…..

What needs to be learned is your rights. This is illegal search and seizer if he had no warrant. And people stop opening the door for police. You don’t have to open the door nor do you have to talk to them. DON’T TALK TO COPS, THEY ARE ON FISHING EXPEDITIONS WHEN THEY ASK YOU QUESTIONS. IF NOT THEN THEY WOULDN’T NEED TO ASK YOU ANYTHING THEY WOULD JUST ARREST YOU.

People like this man give law enforcement a terrible name. It is so damn sad.

Good ol J.P. fails again. Not gonna lie, I’ve seen them do some shady shit. Hell, they pulled me over one night with 3 cop cars for no reason! I’m not saying Orleans Parish is any better, but I can’t wait to move!!!

If a cop comes to your door asking questions in regards to an investigation, yes you don’t have to answer them and they can’t come in without CONSENT or A WARRANT. However, you you have some illegal shit going down in plain sight or you act in a way that would lead a reasonable person to believe shit is (about to be) going down, that’s PROBABLE CAUSE and they will be allowed to enter to address that which raised their suspicion. Just a helpful hint from an actual cop.nails4breakfast-tacksforsnacks:

southernladyperson:

chocolatecakesandthickmilkshakes:

nathantrumpet:

Just wanted to share this with everyone really quick. The reason is because we need to be aware of what kind of people are within the law enforcement branch. This man forced his way into my moms house (without any proper documentation) AND did not specify why he was arresting my brothers friend. He was asked countless times why and he NEVER answers him. He didn’t even read him his rights!…I’ll post the video up later….smh Louisiana AND Jefferson parish…..

What needs to be learned is your rights. This is illegal search and seizer if he had no warrant. And people stop opening the door for police. You don’t have to open the door nor do you have to talk to them. DON’T TALK TO COPS, THEY ARE ON FISHING EXPEDITIONS WHEN THEY ASK YOU QUESTIONS. IF NOT THEN THEY WOULDN’T NEED TO ASK YOU ANYTHING THEY WOULD JUST ARREST YOU.

People like this man give law enforcement a terrible name. It is so damn sad.

Good ol J.P. fails again. Not gonna lie, I’ve seen them do some shady shit. Hell, they pulled me over one night with 3 cop cars for no reason! I’m not saying Orleans Parish is any better, but I can’t wait to move!!!

If a cop comes to your door asking questions in regards to an investigation, yes you don’t have to answer them and they can’t come in without CONSENT or A WARRANT. However, you you have some illegal shit going down in plain sight or you act in a way that would lead a reasonable person to believe shit is (about to be) going down, that’s PROBABLE CAUSE and they will be allowed to enter to address that which raised their suspicion. Just a helpful hint from an actual cop.nails4breakfast-tacksforsnacks:

southernladyperson:

chocolatecakesandthickmilkshakes:

nathantrumpet:

Just wanted to share this with everyone really quick. The reason is because we need to be aware of what kind of people are within the law enforcement branch. This man forced his way into my moms house (without any proper documentation) AND did not specify why he was arresting my brothers friend. He was asked countless times why and he NEVER answers him. He didn’t even read him his rights!…I’ll post the video up later….smh Louisiana AND Jefferson parish…..

What needs to be learned is your rights. This is illegal search and seizer if he had no warrant. And people stop opening the door for police. You don’t have to open the door nor do you have to talk to them. DON’T TALK TO COPS, THEY ARE ON FISHING EXPEDITIONS WHEN THEY ASK YOU QUESTIONS. IF NOT THEN THEY WOULDN’T NEED TO ASK YOU ANYTHING THEY WOULD JUST ARREST YOU.

People like this man give law enforcement a terrible name. It is so damn sad.

Good ol J.P. fails again. Not gonna lie, I’ve seen them do some shady shit. Hell, they pulled me over one night with 3 cop cars for no reason! I’m not saying Orleans Parish is any better, but I can’t wait to move!!!

If a cop comes to your door asking questions in regards to an investigation, yes you don’t have to answer them and they can’t come in without CONSENT or A WARRANT. However, you you have some illegal shit going down in plain sight or you act in a way that would lead a reasonable person to believe shit is (about to be) going down, that’s PROBABLE CAUSE and they will be allowed to enter to address that which raised their suspicion. Just a helpful hint from an actual cop.nails4breakfast-tacksforsnacks:

southernladyperson:

chocolatecakesandthickmilkshakes:

nathantrumpet:

Just wanted to share this with everyone really quick. The reason is because we need to be aware of what kind of people are within the law enforcement branch. This man forced his way into my moms house (without any proper documentation) AND did not specify why he was arresting my brothers friend. He was asked countless times why and he NEVER answers him. He didn’t even read him his rights!…I’ll post the video up later….smh Louisiana AND Jefferson parish…..

What needs to be learned is your rights. This is illegal search and seizer if he had no warrant. And people stop opening the door for police. You don’t have to open the door nor do you have to talk to them. DON’T TALK TO COPS, THEY ARE ON FISHING EXPEDITIONS WHEN THEY ASK YOU QUESTIONS. IF NOT THEN THEY WOULDN’T NEED TO ASK YOU ANYTHING THEY WOULD JUST ARREST YOU.

People like this man give law enforcement a terrible name. It is so damn sad.

Good ol J.P. fails again. Not gonna lie, I’ve seen them do some shady shit. Hell, they pulled me over one night with 3 cop cars for no reason! I’m not saying Orleans Parish is any better, but I can’t wait to move!!!

If a cop comes to your door asking questions in regards to an investigation, yes you don’t have to answer them and they can’t come in without CONSENT or A WARRANT. However, you you have some illegal shit going down in plain sight or you act in a way that would lead a reasonable person to believe shit is (about to be) going down, that’s PROBABLE CAUSE and they will be allowed to enter to address that which raised their suspicion. Just a helpful hint from an actual cop.

nails4breakfast-tacksforsnacks:

southernladyperson:

chocolatecakesandthickmilkshakes:

nathantrumpet:

Just wanted to share this with everyone really quick. The reason is because we need to be aware of what kind of people are within the law enforcement branch. This man forced his way into my moms house (without any proper documentation) AND did not specify why he was arresting my brothers friend. He was asked countless times why and he NEVER answers him. He didn’t even read him his rights!…I’ll post the video up later….smh Louisiana AND Jefferson parish…..

What needs to be learned is your rights. This is illegal search and seizer if he had no warrant. And people stop opening the door for police. You don’t have to open the door nor do you have to talk to them. DON’T TALK TO COPS, THEY ARE ON FISHING EXPEDITIONS WHEN THEY ASK YOU QUESTIONS. IF NOT THEN THEY WOULDN’T NEED TO ASK YOU ANYTHING THEY WOULD JUST ARREST YOU.

People like this man give law enforcement a terrible name. It is so damn sad.

Good ol J.P. fails again. Not gonna lie, I’ve seen them do some shady shit. Hell, they pulled me over one night with 3 cop cars for no reason! I’m not saying Orleans Parish is any better, but I can’t wait to move!!!

If a cop comes to your door asking questions in regards to an investigation, yes you don’t have to answer them and they can’t come in without CONSENT or A WARRANT. However, you you have some illegal shit going down in plain sight or you act in a way that would lead a reasonable person to believe shit is (about to be) going down, that’s PROBABLE CAUSE and they will be allowed to enter to address that which raised their suspicion. Just a helpful hint from an actual cop.